A new year, a few jokes

One of our lectures has taken it upon himself to wake us up each lecture with a joke. While he might call them 'cute', other members of admin would probably call them 'inappropriate'.

Let the games begin...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all pregnant and are waiting to get an US done. The brunette goes first and proclaims that she heard a theory...the position you were in while conceiving the kid will be what it is! "I was on top, so I'm having a girl!" The US confirmed she was, indeed, having a girl.

The redhead "well he was on top so we must be having a boy!" Sure enough, there's a penis on screen.

The blonde laughs and the other US tech turns to her. "What's funny?" he asks.

"We're having puppies"

:-)

What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

They both like a tight seal

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

Pour gasoline on it, set it alight and watch it go "woof"!

Others will follow...

Quotes: Round #5

Well, here we are again. Another quote I found worthy of posting. This past week there were several that were funny, many of them about how we'll die from heart problems, but not many that I wanted to post.

Without further adieu...

My daughter licked a NYC subway pole. And another time she danced on the pole. The people loved it. Oh god, I hope it's not a sign - L

Quotes: Round #4

Today's latest quote...

L = lecturer

C = class

S = student

Is it possible to swallow and breathe at the same time? - S

Why do you ask? Do you have big plans for tonight? - L

Quotes: Round #3

Another random one I found written down in my lectures.

In reference to seeing air-fluid levels in supine vs. upright abdomen x-rays and why this is important...If it (gut) can’t sort out liquid and solid you wouldn’t be able to fart safely - L

Quotes: Round #2

These were just reminded to me by a fellow student.

Sympathetics control the 4 Fs...fight, flight, fright, and sex. I actually had a female student ask me why the 4th "F" was an "S" - L

THINK ABOUT IT

Also, last year one of the lecturers played a bit of a trick on the students. For a class there was an option of buying one of two copies of a text, the Bate's Pocket Guide to Physical Examination And History Taking, or the complete version. He proceeded to tell the students to go to the bookstore and, if they wanted the full copy, to ask for the "Master Bate's". And don't you know it, some poor soul did just that.

Quotes: Round #1

Sayings by lecturers in medical school…

L=lecturer

C=class

S=fellow student

In reference to an infant with ectopia cordis…Look at that, one game of kickball and that kid is DONE. – L

In reference to how medical technology has changed over the years…If you had an MI in 1929 the treatment was simple and short…we buried you - L

You learn biochemistry and how to do drugs. – L

Laughter - C

I didn’t mean it like that. Must have been a flashback from the 60’s. I didn’t do that stuff. – L

Yeah right… - ENTIRE C

What is the third leading cause of death in the US? – L

Listening to your lectures. – S

In reference to how females are able to multi-task due to more connections between brain hemispheres, spoken by a male doctor…The most multi-tasking I can do is take a shower and pee at the same time – L

A past experience story in reference to a patient and how to get yourself out of a situation…Has your penis always been this small?(gonadal hypoplasia) – L

First post of quotes I've collected

So, if you're not sure, I'm a female student. First year actually. And while in class, I have discovered that there are some quacks out there, as well as some absolutely awesome docs. Here I have decided to write down the quotes that some of said lecturers have given. I hope you enjoy. They help me get through the day.

Oh, and just to make things easier, I'm leaving out who said them, when, and what the school is. And since I'm new to this whole thing and not sure if others can make posts on here, I'm going to say this now. If you have quotes you'd like to contribute, throw them up. We all need a good laugh once in a while. Or, as a lecturer told us once, we need to laugh to "jog our innerds".

Let the games begin...